Hindi Jokes Collection for Whatsapp Facebook and SMS

Santa : Banta itni sharab na piya karo, tumhari saanso tak se badbu aati hai.
Yehi haal raha to tumhe nark bhi jagah nahi milegi.
Banta : Don’t worry Santa. Saanse to me yehi chorrkar jaunga!!!
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Ravi : Papa, jyada kaabil kaun hai? Mein ya aap?
Dad : mein, kyunki mein ek to tumhara baap hu, dursri umar me tumse bada hu,aur
mujhe tumse jyada tajurba bhi hai.
Ravi : Phir to aap jante honge ki light ki velocity ko kisne measure kiya hoga?
Dad : Haan, Einstein ne.
Ravi : Einstein ke papa ne kyu nahi? Unka tajurba to Einstein se kahi jyada hoga na?
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Santa : Ess car ka kya naam hai?
Banta : Pata nahi, lekin S se start hoti hai.
Santa : Kamaal ki car hai, apni car to petrol se start hoti hai

Banta to Doctor : Doctor Sahab! Mein apna dimag daan karna chahta hu.
Doctor : Hoga to hum le lenge .

Son to Dad : Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga ki mein mummy se bina puche
bahar ja saku?
Papa : Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!!

Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.

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Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena
parega!!!

Ek din Santa ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala – I love you.
Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?
Santa : I love you Didi!!!!

Girl : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Boy : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!!

Dur gaon me jab maa baap sote nahi the,
to bacha kehta hai, so ja bapu,
so ja, warna ek aur ho jayega!!!

 

Girl-to-Boy – Aaye bewafe tune sab kuch saaf kar diya,
mera dil jala kar rakh kar diya
Boy-to-Girl – Aye ladki, teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
bhej de rakh mujhe, bartan manjne ke kaam aayegi.

Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata
dekh patni ne pati se kaha – Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas
kha raha hai, namaste karo.
Pati – Namaste Sasur Ji

Santa ne Banta se kaha,”Sabse bada challenge kya hai?”
Banta replied – Answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena,
paas karke dikha.

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai and jumps into the well.
Bhola: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Teacher : Santa batao `M’ for kya hota hai?
Santa : Sir, Mother!
Teacher : Right! Aab batao W for kya hota hai?
Santa kuch sochne lagta hai
Teacher : Santa kya soch rahe ho?
Santa : Sir, mein yeh soch raha tha ki Maa ulti kaise ho gayi?

Teacher : Santa ye batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?
Santa : Teen maidam.
Teacher : Teeno ke ek-ek example batao.
Santa : Madam, meine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha. Aaj mein ussey pyar karta
hu aur kal mein ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.

 

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Santa mango juice ka glaas le kar baitha tha
Banta aaya aur fataak se juice pee gaya.
Santa – Meri to yaar kismat hi kharab hai. Beta fail ho gaya,
biwi dost ke saath bhag gayi, ghar me chori ho gayi, nalke me
paani nahi, ghar me light nahi.
Aab juice me zehar daal ke peene ko rakha tha
aur wo bhi tu pee gaya saale!
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Santa : Tumhari biwi ka kya naam hai?
Banta : Google Kaur.
Santa : Ye kaisa naam hai?
Banta : Yaar mein jaha bhi hota hoon, wo mujhe dhoondh hi leti hai!
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Santa : Mujhe mobile me MP3 songs dalwane hai.
Mobile Shop Wala : Memory card hai kya?
Santa : Nahi memory card nahi hai, RASAN CARD chalega?
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Wife to Santa : “You don’t love me at all”
Santa points towards their five children and says
“Do you think I donwloaded them from google” ?
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Sardar ne medical store se dawa li aur
Store waly se kaha Cheeni bhi do
Storwala:Cheeni medical pe nahi milti
Santa main pagal nahi hun ispe likha hai Sugar free!!!
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New Krishna to Radha-
Main Krishna Kanhaiya aur tu Radha Gori
Main Kites ka Hritik tu Barbara Mori
Radha – Jyada line mat mar coz i Hate Luve Story…:-D
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Pani ko bewkuf
kaise banaoge ?
Socho?
Socho
Socho?
Garam karo aur
Roz ki tarah aaj bhi mat nahao..!!!

 

Bilkul fresh :

Chor aya,

Tijori par likha tha :

“Todne ki zaroorat nahi button dabao, khul jayegi”

Button dabate hi Police aa gayi.

Police : Tumko kuch apni safai me kehna hai ?

Chor : Maa kasam aaj insaniyat se vishwas uth gaya..

?:D:mrgreen:???????

 

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Ravan ko court me laya gaya aur kaha :- Gita pe hath rakho.

Ravan bola :- Sala Sita pe hath rakha to itna matter hua,
Ab Gita pe . . . .

SORRY BOSS I’M NOT INTERESTED.

?;):oops:???:mrgreen:??:)
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Doctor: Aapki Biwi ab sirf do dino ki mehman hai.

I’m so sorry…

Santa: Isme sorry ki kya baat hai Dr. Saab.
Nikaal lenge ye do din bhi jaise-taise…

?:D:mrgreen:????:oops:?;)

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Ek Sardarni behosh ho gayi.

Doctor: Yeh mar gayi hai..

Jab usko jalane lage to woh uth baithi aur boli mein zinda hoon…!!

Sardar: Chupchap padi reh gawar,
Tu Doctor se zyada jaanti hai kya?

Jalao ji Jalao.

?????????;)

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Santa: Agar operation ke dauran mujhe kuch ho jaye to usi doctor se shaadi kar lena…

Biwi: Aisa Q kehte ho ji?

Santa: To kya doctor ko maaf kar doon??

?☺:)?;):)☺?:)☺

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

?Sardar ne apni sagaai tod di…

Kyonki

Ladki kunwari thi…

Sardar bola: Jo aaj tak kisi ki nahi hui,
Wo meri kya hogi…

??????:mrgreen::D?:oops:

 

पहले शादी के लिए सिर्फ दुल्हन तैयार होती थी,
अब फेसबुक पर फोटो अपलोड के चक्कर में सारी लडकिया तैयार होती है !
???????????????

साला इतना ज़ोर से हिचकी आ रही है,
जैसे
कोई जान से मारने के लिए याद कर रहा है ?
?।
कौन_है_बे ☝??

बेटी बचाओ ? बेटी पढ़ाओ,
.
.
.
और इनको ढंग से
.
. scooty भी सिखाओ ??
.
.
बाल बाल बचा हूँ
आज उड़ा देती एक डाकण
????

एक ताज़ा रिसर्च से..पता चला है, कि…
.
Selfie लेते समय..लड़की का…
.
और
बीड़ी सुलगाते समय..आदमी का…
.
मुंह..एक जैसा हो जाता है…
.
? ?

एक उम्र ऐसी आती है, जब पेन किलर लेने के लिए भी मेडिकल स्टोर पर खड़े लौंडे को देखकर मुहल्ले वाले ऐसे रिएक्ट करते हैं, जैसे किसी कोठे पर खड़ा देख लिया हो। ?