Sarcastic Quotes

“You’re going to hit me again? No, don’t do that! I might not survive!”
Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

“I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information


Sarcastic Quotes

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

People say that laughter is the best medicine…
your face must be curing the world!

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Violence won’t solve anything…But it sure makes me feel good.

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.
“Don’t make me hit you again!”

“You’re going to hit me again? No, don’t do that! I might not survive!”
Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

“I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”

Think I am sarcastic?
Watch me pretend to care!

You: I’m going to be a comedian one day!
Me: *Bursts into fits of giggles*
You: Whats so funny?
Me: *gasps* oh! you were being serious, i’m sorry.

You: “Why are you here?”
Me: “Well… Heaven didn’t want me,
And hells afraid I’ll take over.”

My friends are so much cooler than yours.
They’re invisible.

I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes


quotes about being sarcastic

Before you quickly enjoy the funny sarcastic quotes and share it with your friends, what do you know about sarcasm?

Sarcasm is a bitter taunt or a satirical remark to make fun of something. Mostly, friends start being sarcastic to spice up the conversation. It is usually for giving a comic effect to the dialogues. Sometimes, being sarcastic defines dual meanings of certain words or sentences and the friendly environment becomes extremely funny.

Do you get sarcasm and feel entertained?

If no, then I think you should search for the studies showing sarcastic people are smarter and intellectual than you imagine.

Sarcastic people are more active and sharp minded. They are blessed to think sharp and come up with a responsive answer. Only people with a good sense of humor can write comic books, novels, and plays.

Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught

Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.

Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

You know you’re awesome when people you don’t even know hate you.

Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.

If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

You always do me a favor, when you shut up!

Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business…

Never break someone’s heart because they have only one inside…break their bones because they have 206 of them.

My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.

Not many people can listen to you and survive. I should be getting an award.

People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.

My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?

My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.

Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*

Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!

Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes


Sarcastic Quotes About Friends

Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper righ

Spending a day on Facebook has once again fooled me into believing I have an actual social life.

Fake people have an image to maintain, real people just don’t give a shit.

I Googled “Who Gives a Shit?” My name wasn’t in the search results.

May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.

Wow honey, the house is so clean! Was the internet down for a while today?

I think Facebook is broken. I put up a status and no one liked it even though I refreshed it a few times.

I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I’ve stalked you on the internet.

It would be significantly easier to wish you a happy birthday if you were on Facebook

We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.

Facebook constantly reminds me that people uglier than me are getting engaged.

I would delete you off my Facebook friends list, but then you wouldn’t be able to see all the fun things I do without you.

My only professional ambition is to get a desk where no one can see my computer monitor other than me.

Sarcastic Quotes About Friends

Sarcastic Quotes About Friends

Sarcastic Quotes About Friends

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes