Best collection of non veg jokes from around the world in Hindi , English and more languages. 1000 non veg jokes in hindi you can download from this website and share withy your friends on whatsapp and facebook. These jokes are similar to double meaning jokes , santa banta jokes and for husband wife jokes, girlfriend and boyfriends love jokes but are pure vej jokes to share. These are personal jokes so share with anyone carefully.
Non Veg Jokes In Hindi
मांगता हूँ तो देती नहीं हो,
जवाब मेरी बात का;
और देती हो तो खड़ा हो जाता है,
रोम-रोम जज्बात का,
मुंह में लेना तुम्हे पसंद नहीं,
एक भी कतरा शराब का,
फिर क्यों बोलती हो कि धीरे से डालो,
बालों में फूल गुलाब का,
वो सोती रही मैं करता रहा,
इंतज़ार उसके जवाब का,
अभी उसके हाथ में रखा ही था कि उसने पकड़ लिया,
गुलदस्ता गुलाब का,
उसने कहा पीछे से नहीं आगे से करो,
दीदार मेरे हुस्न-ओ-शबाब का,
उसने कहा बड़ा मज़ा आता है जब अन्दर जाता है,
कानो में एक एक लफ्ज़ तेरे प्यार का!
Pure non veg jokes
Difference between good girls and bad girls
Good girls open few buttons in hot atmosphere,
But bad girls open all buttons to make the atmosphere hot.
Man : meri Genelia ko baccha nhi hota kya karu?
Suresh: Fruit do
Sahrukh: Murgi ke ande do
Amit: Usko pyar do
Imran hashmi: 1 moka mujhe do!
Fruits mein baat chal rahi thi,
Santra- Main ball k tarah lagta hu,
Akhrot- Main toh brain k tarah,
Mushroom- Main toh umbrella k tarah,
Kela- Plz Topic change kro yaar
Teacher: Jab me padhati hu to tum sir par tel(oil) kyun laga lete ho?
Student: Raat ko mummy papa se keh rahi thi agar andar nahi ghus raha hai to
“TEL” laga lo…
Beta: papa Aapki Chain Khuli Hai.
Papa: Sabke Samne Chain Nahi Makeup Box Bola Karo.
Beta: Achcha! Papa Apna Makeup Box Band Karlo,
Lipstick Dikh Rahi Hai…
Girl to riksha wal :
Q bhai jaye ga ?
Riksha Wala : Zaroor Jaye ga, abhi abhi to Oil lga kar khara kia hai
.
.
Girl : to phir Ghuma kar peechay le loo…
Non veg jokes in english
Two men are knocking back beers in a bar on the ninetieth floor of the Empire State
building.
“You know, theres a slipstream around the seventieth floor,” says one, opening a
window, “and if you jump out here, itll suck you back in at the fiftieth floor.”
“Ah, cmon,” says the second, more than a little drunk.
“No, really” says the first. “Ill show you.” So he jumps out the window, comes in through a
fiftieth-floor window, takes the elevator up, and appears triumphantly back in the bar.
“Hey, Im going to try that,” says the second guy. He jumps out the window, falls ninety
floors, and is killed instantly.
“Hey,” says the bartender, looking hard at the first man, “you can be a real bastard when
youre drunk, Superman.”3
The class is studying astronomy. The
teacher points to a photograph, and
says,
Does anyone know what this is? It’s
a comet.
A what?
A comet, Eddie. Don’t you know
what a comet is?
No.
Don’t you know what they call a star
with a tail?
Sure. Mickey Mouse.
The teacher is asking an arithmetic
question:
Frank, if you found three dollars in
your right pocket and two dollars
in your left pocket, what would you
have?
I’d have somebody else’s pants on.
The teacher is asking a geography
question:
Mary, where is the English Channel?
I don’t know. We can’t get it on our
TV.
All the kids were trying to impress
Grandpa, who had come for a visit.
Timmy boasted,
I’m first in arithmetic, Grandpa.
Sally said she had come in first in the
spelling bee. Grandpa asked little Billy,
What are you first in, Billy?
Well, I’m the first one out the door
when the bell rings.
The little boy had just started school.
When he returned home the first day,
his mother asked,
Billy, what did you learn today?
I learned to write.
Oh, what did you write?
I don’t know. I haven’t learned to
read yet.
The psychiatrist was asking questions to
test his patient.
Do you ever hear voices without
knowing who is speaking or where
the voices are coming from?
Yes, sir, I do.
And when does this occur?
When I answer the telephone.
A doctor had an urgent call.
Can you come immediately, doctor?
My little son has just swallowed a
fountain pen.
I’ll be there right away. What are you
doing in the meantime?
Oh, I’m using a pencil.
A man bought a parrot that could
speak five languages. He paid a
thousand dollars for it. The pet-shop
owner said that he would deliver the
bird that afternoon. When the proud
owner got home, he asked his wife if
the parrot had been delivered. She
answered,
Yes, it has.
Where is it?
It’s in the oven.
In the oven? But he could speak five
languages!
Well, then, why didn’t he speak up?
A man in a restaurant said to a
stranger sitting at the next table,
Do you realize that you are reading
your newspaper upside down?
Of course I realize it. Do you think
it’s easy?
I used to snore so loud I would wake
myself up.
What did you do about it?
I cured myself.
Oh? How did you do that?
Now I sleep in the next room, and I
don’t hear a thing.
A boy was talking to his mother.
Gee, Mom, I’m really glad you
named me Albert.
Why?
Because that’s what all the kids at
school call me.
After everyone was in bed the telephone
rang.
Is this one one one one?
No, this is eleven eleven.
Are you sure this isn’t one one one
one?
Yes, I’m sure. This is eleven eleven.
Well, I’m sorry to have gotten you up.
That’s all right. I had to get up anyway.
The phone was ringing.
Sam, why are you standing in front
of the mirror with your eyes closed?
Well, I want to see what I look like
when I’m asleep.
Girl Dentist Se: Is Daant K Dard Se To Rape Karwana Jyada Achcha Hai.
Itna Dard To Nhi Hota?
Dr.: Confirm Batao Kya Krna H?
Me Chair Usi Hisaab Se Set Karu…
A Very Sexy And Attractive Female Employee Apne Boss Ke Cabin Mein Bethi Thhi Ek Dum Se Usne Apne Boss Ko Kaha
“Sir! Will U Remove Something From My Breast”
Boss: “Wow Whats That?”
Employee: “Your Eyes Sir“
Santa banta non veg jokes
संता (बंता से)- यार, मैं अगर गधा होता तो क्या तुम भी दोस्ती के खातिर गधे बन जाते?
बंता (संता से)- गधा तो नहीं बनता, पर दोस्ती की खातिर तुम्हें घास जरूर खिलाता।
Banta: Jagah Nahi Milne Se Log Sex Nahi Kar Pate.
Santa: Pehli Bar Mere Sath Aisa Hi Hua.
Banta: Fir?
Santa: Fir Ladki Ne Bataya Jagah Tango K Beech Hai.
संता अपनी पत्नी पर चिल्ला रहा था
”तुमने कहा था हम रजिस्टर्ड शादी करेंगे….
तुमने मुझे धोखा दिया..
मैं पूरे दिन पोस्ट ऑफिस में तुम्हारा इंतजार करता रहा..
लेकिन तुम नहीं आई.”
Santa Banta Jokes in Hindi: संता: वह कौन सी चीज है जो इंसान के इज्जत को मजबूती से जकड़े रहती है?
बंता: पाजामे का नाड़ा.
बंता (संता से): क्या कर रहे हो?
संता: बेबी की आवाज रिकॉर्ड कर रहा हूं.
बंता: क्यों?
संता: बड़ा होगा तो उससे इसका मतलब पूछूंगा.
संता ने नए बिजनेस में 2 लाख रुपए लगाए और उसका पूरा बिजनेस डूब गया.
लेकिन संता ने बिजनेस खोला किस चीज का?
.संता ने पंजाब में..
मेन्स सैलून का बिजनेस खोला.
Non veg jokes marathi
Following are some best marathi jokes for you
गुरूजी : मुलांनो, स्कॉलरशिपच्या फॉर्म मध्ये नाव लिहीण्याची जागा छोटी असल्या कारणाने, तुम्ही आप आपली नावे संपूर्ण न लिहीता शॉर्ट मध्ये लिहावे.
उदारर्णार्थ “किशोर विलास पाटील” हे नाव तुम्ही शॉर्ट मध्ये “कि. वि. पाटील’ असे लिहावे.
विध्यार्थी : माझं नाव शॉर्ट मध्ये लिहीणे अवघड जाईल, सर.
गुरूजी : का ? काय आहे तुझे नाव ?
विध्यार्थी : पुरशोत्तम चिराग चाटे ….
गुरूजींनी फॉर्म जाळून टाकले.
Double meaning non veg jokes
Following are one of best non vej double meaning jokes in hindi to share on whatsapp and facebook
स्कूल मे मेडम बच्चो से..
मेडम : आज कुछ मजेदार पहेलियाँ पूछती हूँ जवाब सोचकर बताना
बच्चें : जी मेडम,
मेडम : ऐसा कौन-सा पान हें जिसको खाया नहीं जा सकता?
पप्पू : पप्पू जोर-जोर से पेट पकड कर हँसने लगा.
मेडम : क्या हुआ पप्पू?
इतनी हँसी क्यों आरही हें?
पप्पू : मेडम आप भी ना कैसे-कैसे सवाल करती हो…‘स्तनपान’.
मेडम : नालायक, गधे.
‘जापान’.
लड़का : दादाजी, आप क्या पढ़ रहे हो..???
दादा जी : बेटा इतिहास.
लड़का : दादा जी, क्यों झूठ बोल रहे हो…
ये तो सेक्स की किताब लगती है.
दादा जी : अबे BossDK, मेरे लिए तो अब इतिहास ही है ना
Sagar ने गर्भवती महिलाओं को 6000 की सहायता देने का ऐलान किया है
इधर गांव में….
साली– जीजा जी हमने जूते छिपा दिये हैं
जीजा– जूते वापस तो दे दो अब
साली– नहीं मैं तो दो हजार लूंगी
जीजा का दोस्त– दो हजार का क्या करोगी,
बोलो तो सरकार से 6000 दिलवा दूं
Husband wife non veg jokes
Following are latest non veg husband wife jokes in hindi to share on whatsapp and facebook
A man while making love to his maid,
exclaimed ‘Martha ur are sweeter than my wife’
The maid smiled and said
‘i know ‘cos the driver always tells me so’
Non veg jokes in hindi for girlfriend
चाय और गर्लफ्रेन्ड में क्या समानताएं होनी चाहिए?
चाय और गर्लफ्रेन्ड में कुल सात समानताएं ज़रूरी हैं:
गर्म होनी चाहिए।
तेज़ होनी चाहिए।
मीठी होनी चाहिए।
रंग सही होना चाहिए।
दूध ज़्यादा होना चाहिए।
जल्दी से तैयार हो जानी चाहिए।
और
हमेशा बिस्तर पर मिलनी चाहिए।
A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: “A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment.” The mathematician: “A wife. You have security.” The computer scientist: “Both. When I’m not with my wife, she thinks I’m with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it’s vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me…”
Ladki Apne Padosi Ladke Ko Bata Rahi Thhi
Ladki: “Meri Jeans 2500 Ki Hai, Shirt 2200 Ki Aur Shoes 3000 Ke Hai”
Ladka: “Bas Kar Bhonsdi Ki, Pahle Chain Band Kar, 50 Rs Wali Phulon Wali Chaddi (Panty) Nazar Aa Rahi Hai“
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